TRACY SEES STUFF 👀

Tag: Dystonia

  • Why I Started

    Why I Started

    Don’t you think the first workday is really the official start to a new year? Before that, I’m floating in neverland. 😉

    My blog started as an outlet to share my feelings about living with a chronic disease. It has transformed along with me as I learned to navigate my condition and life. Just like 2020, the disease kicked my butt. At the same time it put me on a path to discover what truly matters and makes me happy. That’s what I’m taking away from this last year. To focus on what matters, to help others, and to share hope.

    To spark you to ask yourself, what stirs my soul?

    Knowing that life can change in a blink…

    ❤️

    📸: Laura Rae Photography

  • Thank God for Marijuana

    Thank God for Marijuana

    As many of you know, I have Dystonia. (You can read more about my Dystonia story HERE) It’s a movement disorder characterized by persistent or intermittent muscle contractions. It’s incredibly uncomfortable and almost impossible to relax. Sometimes my brain feels like it’s in a vice….a grip so tight that I can’t escape or control my movements.

    I was fortunate to be one of the first Dystonia patients in Minnesota to be approved for medical cannabis. I was very nervous and scared to try it. I’m not pretending to be innocent in regards to marijuana. I’ve just never wanted to take meds daily that would make me feel loopy or off. My Neurologist has given me plenty of pain meds too that I chose not to take. Taking those meds meant I couldn’t work, which meant I would have to go on disability. I’ve been getting Botox injections for over 10 years to control the pain and did many, many alternative treatments.

    I’ve also been a bit afraid to post this or tell many people because of the stigma associated with medical marijuana and marijuana in general. BUT over the last 8 months, I’ve become very passionate about it as I’ve noticed the benefits and changes in myself. The world is insane with all the bad/FAKE information out there. I feel obligated to educate and share my experience.

    FIRST of all….what many people don’t know is that there are many different types of cannabis. The medicinal cannabis that they give children and what I take during the day doesn’t have as much THC. It’s a balance of THC and another part of the plant called CBD.

    I don’t get “high” – what I DO get is amazing….

    • My pain is the lowest it’s been in years.
    • My ability to focus is a million times better because I’m not fighting as many spasms. 
    • Because of the two reasons above, my anxiety level is at an all time low. 
    • I haven’t been able to walk in over ten years without holding/touching my face (It’s a trick that many with Dystonia do to keep their head in a normal position) – with the cannabis, I’ve actually been able to walk normally. 
    • I’ve been able to go without Botox. 

    I’m very frustrated that something that can be SO HELPFUL to so many has been made out to be such a “bad” thing for you. I’m very frustrated that it’s illegal for me to have my medicine in certain states. I’m very frustrated that I can’t travel with my medicine. I’m very frustrated that medical insurance will pay $3000 every 11 weeks for me to get Botox injections, will cover all kinds of scary pain meds but NOT my cannabis.

    This has to end and minds need to be opened.

    The above photo is a picture of one of my cards from my Red Chair Journey. Perfect, right?!

    More to come….

  • Crack & Chipped

    Crack & Chipped

    Dystonia Awareness Moment: I receive 150 units of Botox every 10 weeks by injection into my neck and upper back. I receive approximately 15 shots. First, my Doctor inserts the needle that is wired to a machine that can listen to the strength/intensity of the spasm. Based off that they decide how much to inject into each muscle. Botox is made from Botulinum toxin which causes Botulism & is one of the most powerful, potent neurotoxins known. I have a love/hate relationship with Botox. 🙂 While it helps me, it also gives me a lot of side effects.

    Cracked & chipped.

    Do any of you ever feel that way? Even just getting older, Dystonia or not, I feel more cracks….more chips.

    I look at the corner of this old cabin and I think it is so beautiful. It sits alone on Nisswa Lake. It was a part of  an old resort and now it stands among the trees and wild flowers…holding its own. It has a cute screened in front porch that over looks the lake. At night when the sun sets, the rays hit the porch perfectly with orange hues of light. Think of all the life that has gone through that cabin, all the stories it could tell. All the good times so many souls had within those four walls and the memories created there.

    That is how I want to walk out of this world. We might feel cracked and chipped but it only adds to our beauty. Just as this cabin…I want to show every line & wrinkle…each telling my story. A life lived well, full of amazing moments and memories.

    Among the trees & the wild flowers…..

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